Night owl, day dreamer, and open book by nature. Here are handfuls of loose leaves that have spilled from my pages... (a blog). Some tales are tall, some true, some short and sweet. All writing is my own unless credited otherwise. XO

THE MAN IN THE BLUE MUSTANG

A friend and I sit beside each other in her Toyota as she pulls to idling at the curb of our neighborhood park. We talk things of minimal weight until she shudders suddenly and tells me that the man in the blue mustang killed himself. I catch the draft of air that had made her shiver. Chills shoot up and down my spine.
For weeks this past spring he loitered in our neighborhood. He did so in the insidious manner which causes the dwellers of an elementary school neighborhood to take notice, to turn their heads in his threateningly quiet direction, and to murmur word through the cul-de-sacs until every house for blocks knew of his existence by identifying phrase. His subtly unusual actions rose the hairs on the nape of the neck- parking his car in the middle of the road, pacing leisurely up and down the pavement nearby. This, a heel-to-toe tapping prance, was more a skip in the mere pattern of a pace than a pace itself, set in time to the rhythm of a cheerful whistle which came from between his dry lips. Driving slowly down the block, his powder blue mustang crawled at more a feline’s stalk than at a Mare’s noble gallop. Then it would stay parked for few days with no sign of life, until the engine roared to a snarl to purr and stalk down the pavement again.
He had once followed my friend home, a young woman the same age as I who lived in a cul-de-sac opposite the subdivision as mine, returning home just after dark as I often did in kaleidoscopic unison within the confines of the cookie cutter city blocks. She swung swiftly around and into the door to lock it behind her as he sat and watched from the street, the headlights steady on her, eyes in the dark. She saw him idling down the street near her house three different times in the next few days, his slow rolling tires sticky on the asphalt as they crawled. Her licence plates were stolen a week later. His shifty actions told everyone’s instincts his presence would end up detonating in some way, but not expected was the explosion of tension to fire backwards.
Tonight I sit beside her, two wheels balanced on the gutter of the sidewalk in front of the rusty metal children’s jungle gym. She relays to me the news that the man in the blue mustang drove east of town on the highway as police pursued him. He doused himself in thick gasoline and crashed his car into the embankment going ninety-five.
I shiver as I look out under the streetlamp and through the puddle of artificial light. Beyond that circle I cannot see what lies in the darkness. Sitting in a parked car, lights off and windows down. Looking forward at the darkened shrubs lining suburbia and the street ahead, this tale that seems at first ludicrous in light of my picket-fence memories here doesn’t seem far fetched in the slightest.
Across the leaves painted black by the midnight air floats the beginning flickers of a film, projected by the passing lights and intermittent shadows of a vehicle. Although it produces both light and dark I cannot see its whereabouts from where I sit. I wonder what else I cannot see from where I sit, and what pieces of the puzzle we are currently reflecting on are hidden in a shadow nearby.


A good friend sent me this video today after some of us had a long conversation about things surrounding human nature, abuse of power, and the insidiousness of totalitarian governing.

Most of us read Dystopian novels in high school, written in the 20th century depicting a future in which the masses are strictly controlled by their government for the sake of the greater good, with constant surveillance traded for limited media and rampant propaganda. Most of these are notorious members of various banned book lists for schools (hello Fahrenheit 451). As the video says, these are not simply fictive ideas, and are meant to teach future readers lessons about what can easily happen to a democratic society. In times like the one in which we live today, it is important to give these lessons we are offered at least a ponder as something to keep at the back of our minds. Because indeed, today is when computers strongly resemble the telescreens of George Orwell’s 1984, when media outlets who don’t side with the Presidents conduct are barred from White House briefings, and where the current POTUS this morning proposed a joint all-powerful “Cyber Security unit” with Russian President Vladimir Putin, the same country accused to have cyber-hacked our 2016 presidential election.


I remember a dream in fleeting.

I remember a dream,
or rather recall it only through the waking-
the memory of an impression,
the sensation of a suggestion.
Faint,
tingling.
Sleep falling
like snow melt from my parting lashes.

I remember
feeling out the essence,
the lack of edges.
This elusive,
engineered Elysium
I had created
but was no longer permitted to possess.

I remember grasping
at its delicately dusted wings,
the oils of the fingertips of my conscious mind
blurring the fluid reflection as they reached,
dispelling its mist from behind my eyes.

Most of all,
I remember that most of it I lost.
Unable to breathe this alien air,
this fabric woven in another place inside of me
dissolves here.
Here, it is no longer real
Here, it disappears, but not completely.
Here, I remember a dream,
but only in fleeting.


Grazing

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Photos by www.jonnyconger.com 

One evening after a day of exploring Yosemite National Park, we returned to our cabin about an hour out, but stopped a curve of the road short to take in this moment. He stopped to take photos, I pulled out my notepad. Here are those things. I hope the words and photos are able to make you feel what we did.



The sun’s shadow sets pink across every color of the landscape. Both green and brown and yellow but all at once as if the scent of grapefruit was strewn across the hillside, the fragrance of this liquid luminescence the same as the one which remains fresh and wet on your fingertips from when you had tumbled between them a green and yellow wild flower a few moments before. As the pink sky does now, the flower had beckoned you from the red dirt of the road from which it grew, the same red Earth upon which you had suddenly stopped the car.

You were able to pluck it from the company of its brothers and sisters if you juuuuust reached your outstretched arm a bit further out the window, your fingers wiggling to grasp at its stem. Its petals and pollen swayed as if in the path of a gentle wind. What is our human compulsion to reach out and grab beautiful life, to swallow it in our senses, possess in our paws for a few seconds, knowing that it means we will absorb the last it has to give? So ingrained is this instinct it is almost no wonder at all. Guilt unminded, we consume entirely in unconscious hopes of becoming.

Indeed, the flower and the pink of the scent and the shadow of the light are one substance in the same in this moment. It lingers on the hooves of the wet-eyed calves and cattle who munch it from the pink grasses they stand among, and in turn it shines from the ends of their silky black coats, and reflects back onto the paleness of your human skin. You both are relatively green to this earth and are also both awash with pink in this moment together, in our leveled lines of sight.

You lift the tips of your fingers to your nose and close your eyes to taste the color of the train of the sun’s trailing veil before it is gone. She parades steadily beyond the hillside and beyond your vision, dragging the light by her broad and rounded shoulders.

D